Tracks of my tears
by Juk-writes-4-u
Summary: Sean and Holden's journey, starting from the infamous TV outing. 'True love withstands all boundaries.'
1. Prologue

Prologue.

The streets, at this time of night, are fairly empty, their peace occasionally disrupted by a speeding car

rushing to get to an important place, a lumbering truck, or a person, yelling for their companion.

Through the dark silence, light illuminates pathways, leading to either welcoming or undesirable

locations. On one of these pathways, a man was making his way down to a big house by a body of water.

He made his way around to the back, wrestling with the doorknob for a moment before freezing;

kneeling down on the dusty wooden floor. He slid his arm under the rumpled welcome mat, searching

blindly for a moment, before successfully withdrawing his hand, which was now grasping a key. He

tentatively creaked open the door, softly shutting it behind him. He shuffled through the hallways, trying

not to wake the house's occupant. Reaching his destination, he made his way into a room where a man

was sleeping, his head resting on the back of his chair and one arm slung over the side. Creeping over to

the man, he placed a single yellow rose on his chest, smiling at the sight of his peaceful rest. He bent

down, placing a hand on the man's head and staring at his face. The man seemed to have felt the

affectionate gesture, as he startled awake and looked up at his guest.

'You saw', he croaked sleepily.

'Yeah'. He answered, grinning at the man. The man closed his eyes again, falling back into his slumber.

He joined him, placing his head on the man's shoulder and shutting his eyes, happy to be reunited.


	2. Chapter 1: Reunition

Chapter 1: Reunition.

Sunlight bled through the windows of Sean Jackson's Beach House, bringing every one of his material

possessions into full view of the neighbouring girls, as the blinds had not been closed. The coffee table

glowed mahogany, and upon it lay several various books and biographies. In the far corner of the room,

the bookshelf stood, littered with papers and other random objects. In the middle of this room, two

men slept, one in a leather chair, and one halfway on the other's lap, and halfway on the recently waxed

wooden floor.

Holden stretched, extending his arm over the arm of the chair, and felt it collide with something fleshy

and soft. '_Oh, right_.' he thought, slowly sitting up and surveying his surroundings. He observed an all too

familiar location, and Holden instantly felt a pang of regret as he absorbed where he was. He had not

been in this house for what felt like years, (but had only been months), and he hated himself for it. All

because of a stupid fight, of his inability to accept what being seen with an icon would do for them. Of

course, no one had known why they were walking together, but still, the paparazzi had bugged him.

_God_, he was an idiot. It wasn't Sean's fault he was so popular, so talented, so sexy... but it wasn't as if

Sean thought of him that way anymore, not after what he'd done. Screamed like a bitch and turned

what had been a great evening into a nightmare; a tidal wave of anger that had been released when a

camera flash broke the final straw in Holden's haystack of irritation. He had just wanted some _privacy_,

for Christ's sake. To be with the man he loved for a moment, just the two of them, together. But his

outburst had dashed all hopes of that.

He could still see the expression on Sean's face when he exploded, still recall the tears welling up in his

hauntingly beautiful blue eyes and running down his perfectly tanned face as his rant turned into more,

much more, than whining about the press. He could remember the words that had started tumbling out

of his mouth with no warning, how he had been cussing Sean out at the top of his lungs about how he

was always busy, how he wasn't good enough. And he remembered how Sean, broken, had dropped the

fork he was holding and ran out of the room, weeping. Sean wasn't usually emotional, in fact, Holden

had always been the 'woman' of the relationship, so as to have provoked that kind of a response... well,

he was a freaking _genius_. It took skill to screw things up that bad. So he had grabbed his things, and

googled the next flight out of the state. Six hours later, he was on his way to Kentucky, the first on the

list, leaving the only thing that ever mattered to him behind.

Holden was knocked out of his inward monologue by Sean, who groaned, yawned, and stretched. His

hand found Holden's head, and he froze.

'Holden?' he croaked out sleepily, his eyes widening as he saw his friend's face. 'I... I thought it was

just... a dream.'

Of course Sean still thought him to good to be true. Only Sean could be that forgiving. 'I'm so sorry!' he

burst out, hugging Sean and staring into his eyes.

'For what?'

'For... for everything, Sean. I'm sorry I was such an ass, I'm sorry for being stupid, and for treating you

like crap, when you deserved to be treated like royalty. I'm sorry for leaving, Sean.'

Sean smiled. 'Relax, Holden,' he said, stroking the man's face. 'Your leaving _did_ only cost me my

almost-retirement.' Seeing the sorrow on Holden's face, he looked straight into his eyes. 'Holden. I

forgive you. Besides, it's nice to wake up to someone again.' He stood, his face now exposed by the

sunlight streaming in. He was unshaven, and had bags under his eyes. Holden regretted leaving 10 times

more now. Sean smiled suddenly, bending down to pick up the rose that had fallen from his chest when

he had stood. He twirled it between his fingers for a moment, before handing it to Holden.

'Now go find this some water while I get dressed.'

The place had not changed much since Holden had last been here, aside from the occasional new

photo or missing plant. Having already found the rose a new home, he was bored and was looking for

something to kill the time while Sean was in the shower. Plopping himself down on the couch, he found

the remote and switched on the TV, flipping to the sports channel. Oh, _the irony_. Just as he was about to

turn it off and go do something else, a story caught his eye.

_'Sean Jackson returned to the game last night, folks, and it's about time. I'm sure all those dedicated _

_fans had faith in their football hero, but after three months of nothing but losses, we're glad to see a _

_change. This is Fox News, bringing you sports._' Holden stared at the TV in shock. His leaving had affected

Sean so much, it decreased his ability to play football. For three months. He meant that much to him.

Well, as soon as he got out of the shower, Holden would show his how much he meant to him, no

matter if he was soaked, and wearing only a towel. As he shifted in his seat, Holden felt something poke

his side. Reaching into his pocket and scrambling around for a moment, he extracted the heart shaped

lollipop from the plane ride back. Grinning, he opened the wrapper and shoved it into his mouth.

The phone rang, interrupting his thoughts. Holden pulled himself off the couch, and shuffled into the

kitchen, where the phone resided. 'Hello?'

'Hi, Sean?' came the voice off the other end that Holden recognized only from Sean's late night

descriptions of annoyance.

'No, sorry, it's not him. He can call you back in an hour, though.'

'Ok... who is this, exactly?'

Holden wondered how he should answer. Sean had told everyone, on live television, nonetheless, but

he didn't think they should spread it around just yet. Give them privacy, now, at least. 'I'm a friend. I'll

tell him to call you. Bye.'

Holden heard the water shut off upstairs, and watched as Sean, now considerably fresher and more

awake, descended.

'Who was that?' he asked, straightening the T-Shirt he had pulled on over his shorts. Typical Sean... it

was _February_.

'If I guessed the voice correctly, from what you told me, I assume that would be Paula, your manager?'

Sean grimaced. 'Yeah... she probably wants to talk to me after yesterday... everybody probably wants

a word. Hell, I'd be surprised if I wasn't bombarded with questions the moment I opened the door.' He

glanced at Holden, smiling apologetically. 'Sorry, babe, I know how much you hate the press'. Holden

sucked in air, feeling even worse_. Of course_ Sean blamed himself for his... outburst. He probably drove

himself into a depression while Holden was gone, which, come to think of it, was most likely the cause of

what had affected his playing.

He probably seemed deep in thought, because Sean looked at him strangely. 'You ok?'

Holden smiled. 'Yeah. Say, Sean,' he began, remembering his silent vow to show Sean how much he

was loved, his grin becoming less innocent by the second, 'is that couch new?'.

Sean, not understanding where he was heading, was confused. 'Relatively, yeah, why?'.

'Because,' said Holden, stepping closer to Sean and smirking, 'I was wondering if you needed any help...

wearing it in.' Sean's eyes widened, as it finally clicked. He backed up in time with Holden, letting himself

be pushed onto the couch, sinking into bliss.


	3. Chapter 2: One step at a time

Chapter 2: One step at a time

Holden smelled _so_ good, like shampoo and fresh air. Sean inhaled a deep breath, his face pressed up in

the dark, scraggly hair of his sleeping lover. He just looked so... fragile, like he could break at any

moment. Poor Holden, he must have tortured himself those months. Not that he didn't have a reason

to, but Sean just cared about him too much to see him suffer, even if he deserved it. He should have

assumed the press would be too much to handle for a person with no experience, especially their

situation. Paparazzi would attack like _dogs_ if they found out that a sports star was in_ this_ kind of a

relationship. But now... well, he had thrown the bone yesterday, and he would have to face the

consequences sooner or later. He hated the thought of dragging Holden into his mess though, especially

because of his earlier reaction. He should do a better job of protecting him.

Holden rolled over and mumbled something unintelligible, reminding Sean that time was still passing,

and the world didn't just freeze for them like he had hoped. He turned his head to see what time it was.

After all, his friends already wanted a chat, seeing as he had fled to his house as soon as he had finished

the announcement; disappearing for a day would probably fuel their concern. And his parents...

Oh god. His parents. The revelation he had made yesterday wasn't just a surprise to his co-workers

and fans, it was also a shock to his family. As a child, Sean had been so far in the closet, he was in the

garage; and as an adult, football and Holden had taken up all his spare time and he had grown distant

from relatives. They were probably freaking out... it was a wonder they hadn't called him yet, or even

arrived at his door with a basket full of muffins (his favourite comfort food) and a mind full of questions

and concerns. If they hadn't made the decision to disown him. He would call them later, when Holden

had left; he didn't want to burden him anymore. But considering the guilt Holden felt... he would

probably stay for a few days. And Sean was fine with that; he had missed Holden terribly. People

wondered why his playing had been so affected, well; try playing Football when you were so tired you

nearly fell right there on the field. Tired from practicing, from mindlessly going through his day, from

crying himself to sleep now and then. But that was over now.

A loud knock on the door pushed Sean out of his thoughts. _Damn it_, he didn't want to wake Holden. He

deserved the rest. He slowly disentangled himself from the bed sheets, (as they had somehow migrated

to the bed at one point in their make out session), and carefully lifted Holden off of him. Luckily, he was

still clothed, so making it down the hall and up the door took virtually no time.

Opening the door, he was faced with Paula. She looked as if she had been standing there for quite a

while, though Sean could have sworn he only heard a knock once.

'Hi Paula,' he said, letting her in and shutting the door behind her.

'How're you doing Sean?' she asked kindly, looking him up and down sympathetically. 'You holding up

alright?' Sean nodded, sitting down on one of the chairs in the kitchen, where she joined him. 'Good,

because I was getting worried. I called 4 times, Sean, and you didn't answer. You sure you're alright?'

'Yes, Paula. I'm fine.'

'Ok. Now, about yesterday-' Sean shushed her, afraid of waking Holden, but it was too late. Sean heard

a thump coming from the other room, and a dishevelled Holden emerged from his bedroom.

'Sean?' he croaked sleepily, 'What time is it?' He cut off when he saw Paula sitting at the table. She, too,

gave him a strange glance, before turning to Sean.

'Sean, I'm not interrupting anything, am I?' she asked, still staring at Holden.

'No.' Answered Holden, before shaking himself awake and grabbing a cup of coffee. If he was going to

have to get used to publicity, might as well start now. It was safer than walking outside and being

blinded by cameras. Pulling out a chair and sitting next to Sean, he said 'I'm Holden. You're Paula, right?'

She looked surprised at being recognized by a man she had never met. 'Yeah, how..?'

'We talked on the phone.' Clarified Holden, leaning against Sean's shoulder. The coffee was not as

effective as he had hoped. He was still drowsy, and could feel himself falling back to sleep. Paula eyed

him, before turning back to Sean.

'Sean, who's he?'

'... A friend.'

Paula smiled. 'Just a friend?'

'Jesus, Paula, just 'cause I came out doesn't mean every guy I'm with is my boy-toy.'

'You didn't answer my question, Sean.' Suddenly, Holden shifted, mumbling Sean's name. Paula

grinned. 'Oh, yes, I see. _Completely_ platonic.'

Sean grimaced, but couldn't help but be thankful that Paula was so accepting. For the others, he just

hoped... 'Ok, fine. Now can we drop it?'

Paula blinked. 'Wow, Sean, you move _fast_.'

'No! I've known him for years. Just... nobody knew _me_.'

Paula's eyes softened, and she reached across the table, putting her hand over Sean's. 'Just know I'm

happy for you, Sean. Come see us when you're ready.' She stood up, pulling on winter coat on over her

lavender blouse. 'Bye, Sean. And don't worry,' she said, pointing to the sleeping Holden on Sean's

shoulder, 'I'll she myself out.'

As the door closed, Sean let out a sigh, leaning against the back of his chair. That had gone well, but

Paula was Paula; always supportive in the long run. He felt his eyelids being dragged down by

exhaustion; apparently he had stressed himself into sleep. His eyes finally closed, and he was pulled into

yet another one of the nightmares he had been having for the past few months.

_Sean shivered, the cool winter air slapping him across the face as the evening progressed. His entire _

_body was freezing, save from his left arm, to which Holden was currently attached, shuffling to keep _

_himself warm. He snuggled himself closer to Sean, smiling. Suddenly, he stumbled, pushed out of the way _

_by a woman who ran screaming towards them, stopping in front of Sean._

'_Oh my god! You're Sean Jackson! I love you!' She launched herself onto him, nearly suffocating him. _

_Sean grinned awkwardly, gently pushing her off. 'Can I get a picture with you? My husband will never _

_believe this! He loves you to!' So Sean reluctantly agreed, smiling for the camera while Holden stood in _

_the corner, seething. _

_After she was gone, Holden was silent the whole way home. Sean was worried; his friend was usually so _

_talkative. 'Is everything all right, Holden?' When Holden didn't answer, Sean stopped and looked at _

_Holden. 'Holden. Are you ok?'_

_Finally, Holden looked up. Sean was surprised, he looked beyond furious. 'No, I'm not, Sean. I'm tired of _

_those damn fans! It's like I'm not even there!'_

_Sean chuckled. 'You're lucky they don't see you, Holden. It's much worse to be on the receiving end.'_

'_NO! It's not funny anymore! I don't understand why they can't just know! Don't you care about me at _

_all?'_

'_Of course I do, Holden. I love you.'_

'_NO YOU DON'T! If you did, you would let me live in peace for a moment! Why are there always all these _

_crazy fans? Why can't they just-' he looked around blindly for a second, before grabbing an empty bottle _

_and chucking it at the floor, shattering it into thousands of tiny, glittery crystals. Sean stepped back, _

_shocked. He had never seen Holden like this before. 'It's all your fault! Yours, Sean! You and your stupid, _

_selfish fear for you image! I hate you!' As Holden continued his rant, Sean felt as if he was dropping _

_further and further down into a black hole, having all the life sucked out of him. He didn't know the _

_publicity bothered Holden so much._

'_Holden, I-'_

'_STAY AWAY FROM ME!' yelled Holden, crying freely now. _

_Sean was broken now. 'Ok,' he whispered, then turned around, and ran out of the room._

Holden blinked drowsily, turning his head to see he was still asleep on Sean's shoulder. Looking up at

said Football player, he noticed Sean was asleep to. This almost made him smile, until he saw the lone

tear sliding down Sean's face. A constant reminder.


End file.
